And then one day
by shades of games
Summary: Rincewind is a wizard who can't cast any spells because of a mishap he lives in the citie of Ankh-Morpork on the planet discworld
1. Default Chapter

And then one day  
Rincewind awoke with a start." Didn't something happen yesterday? Oh I don't know and I really don't want to," he thought "all I know for a fact today is that I have to piss wait! Did I rent this room? Am I in a room I guess I should open my eyes, although I learned long ago not to open my eyes when I awake. So many bad experiences "(shudder)", well here goes". Rincewind glimpses around and sees that he appears to be in some kind of second rate inn possibly a whore house. "If only I had the money to pay for such pleasures," Rincewind croaks. "Hmm, now that I think of it, do I have enough to even pay for this room? I wish being the professor of cruel and unusual geography paid better. Actually I wish it paid at all. Anyways I am going to have to pay unless, ha ha, window one of my very best friends, I'll just pay later. Yes, much later. Just let me put on my clothes and extremely pointy hat. I still have the feeling that something happened yesterday. Oh well, here goes" Rincewind's clothing blows revealing his undergarments and at least three people stare. Something makes a sound like "sqinch" as Rincewind lands in a donkey cart. He looks around examining the contents that are soft and in sacs after not recognizing what he is in he screams at the driver: "Hey what have I landed in!?" "You sir have landed in something " "I understand that you stupid twit but what exactly is it (I am a wizard be serious buddy)?" "It, refers to many things sir" "Okay tell me what I have landed in when I jumped from the window of the inn back there along the street, ally, narrow runway of stone bricks so on" "Well sir you have landed in the palace's official garden and grass growing helper. It's a naturally made supplement.(he he he)" "Okay, by that long stream of idiotic chattering I think I am sitting in manure" "Why yes sir! You're a smart one aren't you" "Oh.just because you've got a crappy job doesn't mean you can't give a straight answer plus I am a wizard at least show respect" "Well you see sir I have to get my joys were I can" "Understandable. But really, I wonder, do you get to talk to people much? I mean how many people land in your cart(especially in your line of work)?" "You'd be quite surprised" "Hmm I guess that true. Oh well, goodbye" "Goodbye sir(what a pompous fool ha) " As Rincewind rolls and bounces along the ground the people around him (mostly scum) hear muffled things such as grr..gah..(lots of obscenities) Rincewind gazes around. "Yup, lots of scum along with that tax collector .Wait. Why do I separate them? Hey, everyone seems and looks actually confused. Most people in Ankh-Morpork are stupid but this is seems different. I have thought that something happened yesterday, I can't think of anything. Everything seems normal right now lots of urchins and illiterates on this side of town.check, not a tenth crown even in my pocket.check "(sigh)". "Um, lets see, the grass is green (well mostly dead here but you get the point) and the skies purple." Yup, it's normal alright. I guess I should ask somebody. Hey that fat fish seller looks friendly enough although he does seem to be pretty attached to that fish. Oh well, here goes. Hey I still have to piss.  
  
And so begins Rincewind's fabled chronicles - 


	2. the begginings

Chapter 1the beginning: it begins  
The gristly fat and dirty fish monger turned around and looked into the face of a red-robed orange bearded and very skinny wizard (by the hat I'm guessing). The wizard then took a step forward on the dirty cobblestones and glanced from the fishmonger to the silver fish that he was holding a bit tight .the fishmonger thought to himself that this lad has a distinctive aroma to him kind of like dirt but not quite that hmm he'd smelled it before oh were was that the palace maybe, aha I've got it the livery stables it was um well um horse droppings that's unusual but not unheard of.  
  
Rincewind looked back at the fishmonger dressed in his gutting apron who seemed to be concentrated on him; still contemplating if he should actually talk to him at last he overruled his street instinct and listened to his curiosity he then hollered to the middle aged man:  
  
"Hello sir, man, salesman, FISHMONGER!!" "Oh yes you must want fish, will help you build muscle and keep your bones strong you want some?" "Um well maybe if the right offer came my way" "Really, you're serious?" "Well, to tell you the truth no" "That's mean sir" "You must understand, I do need information just trying to butter you up" "Well yes, but dashing down my hopes it's a bit excessive" "Well then sorry, I do try to empower myself when I can and sometimes I overdue it" "Okay then, but what you want to know, obviously something about fish, I am a fishmonger after all" "Actually yes, but not at all and in no way about fish" "Oh your one of those eh" "Okay then, do you know why everyone looks worried?" "Ha worried them of course but not me I've got Dairene" "Dairene?" "Yes me wife, are you daft, she's been beside me all this time" "But, you've only got a fish. oh that's this is when we end this silly conversation" "Okay sir, oh there goes the silly pointy hat man say good bye Dairene"  
  
Rincewind walked away at an increased speed looking around. Rincewind was probably on the edge of the shades, a place vile, horrible, and perpetually shrouded in mist, this supposedly was caused in a revolution where every person through coal on there fires to have a longer night, this was brought up and supported by the realists guild, then there was an assumption by every worshiper in Ankh-Morpork that the god's cast these clouds over this district in order to shroud the regular doings of the shades (commonly nightly) from the eyes of there naughty children. This belief caused even more controversy by every worshipper spouting his personal feelings on whose child was the naughtiest. In the end everyone agreed to disagree and got bored so went home, the last person shouted that he was right and skipped away (he was struck by lightning the next day). This place is full of scum and legally has to be that way other wise loses its land permit to permit scum therefore allowing it to exist for many years this was tried by the committee of laws that you think should be changed but don't so we made a committee and was somehow overruled through no reason whatsoever, according to the records of that meeting someone said something that was legible and made sense therefore could not be said in a court room but was. Finally this ended when apparently by accident the whole written case which was kept by the keepers of things that while undoubtedly get lost was lost (somehow). So at last the shades were said to be under unheard laws that were heard occasionally, in lost territory that was findable, and on a whole supposed to be left to its own ends. It is still as it was many years ago and probably will remain so.  
  
Rincewind finally found someone who looked sensible enough but because of this he was insensible do to the fact that it was sensible to look insensible in the shades therefore he seemed strange although he was not. When Rincewind approached him he looked normal but was different Rincewind then curious at the time asked:  
  
"Why is everyone so worried?" "Worry is not to be worried" "Um, yes well do you have a coherent answer?" "Coherent is for one to decide in his time" "I have decided for you the time is now" "You speak what you wish" "Why are the people frightened $#@^$^@&*$" "Ah juicy words from one so frail, but oh well, to answer look to your own guide" "What?" "Just figure it out " "Yeah, thanks" "Truly welcome"  
  
Hmm I do wonder why is everyone so godly incoherent, something's in the water I tell you. Hey he meant something now what would it be something about guides.Rincewind wanders aimlessly as he thinks at last he runs into a stall, a man, and a brick wall and at last is brought back to reality. At this point he has walked along the edge of the shades and is near a group of people Rincewind thinks about the laws of masses, must be loud, must have at least one pickpocket, and must always have some annoyance no matter what. Masses are for the most part referred to as a single noun I mean it moves as a whole and eats as a whole therefore as decreed by the street regulation guild was to be considered as such. Out of this masses noise (also considered as singular) Rincewind could distinguish two things one a large man's fart and two the words of a Screaming man "we must accept this change for it is strange, plus kind'o pretty, and let it remain for if is a sign of our guides" Our guides, the gods, completed Rincewind then understood. He looked up there were birds and smog but the sky was cloudless ah, oh wait that has happened before hey the sky it's deep, malevolent, taking, hued, bright, distinguished , and PURPLE! 


End file.
